Saturday, June 20, 2009

~Anthony's Accident News Coverage~

videoWell, I went back to work today for the first time since Anthony's accident which is not going to be easy because I am going to worry like crazy about him. Thankfully, one of my best friends, Sherrie, had good news for me :) She had the News coverage from Anthony's accident saved on her phone and was able to email it me so I can save it for Anthony when he gets older. Yayyyy!!! Thank you so much Sherrie!

I thought it may be useful to put on here for everyone who has prayed for my son and helped us in the long journey and following his recovery. I feel very blessed to have so many people from so many places all over the world that care enough to keep my son in their prayers.

Thank You All from the bottom of my heart!

~Hole in the Head~



Just when I start to relax, we get a hole in the head! Ugh. This whole thing has been so stressful, but I was starting to relax since his neck has stopped hurting. Unfortunately that was short lived though.

Anthony came to me the other day complaining that his head hurt under his bandage on his head, which is also located under his neck brace which causes irritation to it. Anyway, I told him to get in the shower so I could try to get the bandage off easier since it was stuck to his hair and gooped up really hard, which is what you see in the picture that is like a rainbow shape.

When Anthony was in the hospital his head was so swollen and I knew he had 2 abrasions on his head, one to lower right under his neck brace and one on top of his head which you can see in the previous pictures. So I knew it was there, but due to the swelling of his head I had no clue how deep it was and honestly I did not think twice about it. So, when I took the bandage off, I was in for HUGE and DISGUSTING surprise. The scab had softened underneath it and it turned white and chunky and looked like cottage cheese. It was so gross and I was not prepared at all for how deep that hole was. It was at least a 1/4 of an inch deep and it has now become infected:(.

I took him to the doctor and since he has such a severe head injury with the concussion and his skull fracture, his brain is trying to heal and it is susceptible to infections. The infection is spreading towards his lymph nodes, which are fighting off the infection, but they're worried that it could infect his brain :( All of this is just so hard. We have an appointment in 2 days with the Neurologist to clear his neck and he will need to have further testing to make sure his brain is healing properly and the skull fracture. In the meantime, they have put him on antibiotics and are monitoring his infection daily.

I'm also really worried about sending him to school. I mean physically and mentally he's ready to go back, but I don't know what to do because I am going to be a nervous wreck not being able to watch him all the time, because he cannot risk any more injuries. His Pediatrician has told me that he can not do any playing, riding bikes, running, skipping, falling, scooters, playgrounds, nothing. He has to have both feet on the ground AT ALL TIMES. It can mean life or death for Anthony, and I know it's going to suck for him, especially with summer just starting but oh well. We'll deal with it. The only thing that worries me is that he cannot do anything risky for at least 6 months so I am going to his school with instructions from his doctor and I am also looking into a program the school district has for persons with temporary disabilities which would assign someone to be with Anthony at all times during school which would be great! I haven't been able to find out yet but I am looking into it so I have my fingers and toes crossed for that for sure!

Anyway, Thank You Everyone for Praying for my son and please continue to pray that his infection clears quickly!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

~Let the Anxiety Begin~

I think I am going to worry myself to death.......

The what if's are taking me down fast and hard. I keep watching every damn move he makes and analyzing everything he does to make sure he's "normal". Today Anthony asked me for something and I told him "on the front porch". he said "Oh, OK" and started to walk towards the front door and stopped in his tracks and said, "wait, where's the front porch again?"

Now between my gasping for air and the look of horror on my face, I'm sure I scared the shit out of him. I just keep thinking the but..... is coming, and if I prepare for the worst, and hope for the best it'll all work out. You know the but, the "your kid lived, but.....". I just keep thinking he shouldn't have lived through this and something has to go wrong at some point. It's got to be too good to be true. I mean the kid went head first into my CEMENT driveway. Not grass, not dirt, a driveway. How can he not have some more permanent damage or injuries? I am thankful beyond thankful that he doesn't have any worse injuries, but can't help but feel like it's too good to be true. I mean people aren't suppose to live through these kind of things.

I've decided that even if he is injured more than I want to believe, it can't be changed and it won't change anything. My son is alive and that is all I care about. If I have to get use to the idea that he is not going to be MY Anthony, than that's what I am going to do. Worrying about it all the time isn't going to change anything. I am going to start writing everything down that I find unusual for him and bring it up at his next appointment with his neurologist. He has to have another Cat Scan in 3 weeks to check on his brain injury and skull fracture so until then I'm probably going to worry myself to death.

Today's been a hard day as far as his injuries goes as well. His neck brace, which cost $400.00, was geniusly made with snap in parts that don't stay snapped in, so he slept all night in a crooked brace and woke up all messed up. I started making phone calls first thing this morning and didn't get anything but the run around. I finally got someone to listen to me when we were already on our way up to the Children's hospital to get his permanent cast for his arm put on. I walked into this "fracture clinic" where there were literally 50 people and 20 seats and the first person I noticed across the room was LPN that discharged Anthony from the hospital. It was her day for volunteering in the clinic, and I was so happy to see her. As they put Anthony's new shiny blue cast on his arm, I asked if someone could find her for me and they sent her into our room and she recognized us immediately. I told her I needed her help because I can't seem to get anyone to listen to me and my sons neck is all screwed up. She told me to meet her in the room next to Anthony's when he was in the hospital and she would get him fixed up. Thank God, because I was on the verge of loosing it at that point. She gave me a new neck brace for free and said she would write the other one off as malfunctioning so I didn't have to pay for another one.

Seriously though, my son was crooked and hurting the worse I've seen him hurt since the accident. Its so hard to watch him cry in pain. I think this picture is the saddest thing I've ever seen. She bandaged up the back of his head and sent me home with some extra supplies, put his neck brace on him and straightened him up a lot, and most importantly, she made Anthony stop hurting. He's still a little crooked because he's stiffening up from the pain but it's a lot better than it was. Poor kid can't seem to get a break. Just when I start to relax, there's something else to worry about. I hope this is some kind of turning point and it gets easier from here because this sucks. I think the unknown is the worst of it all though. The wondering if and how this is going to affect him in the long run. Wondering has never been something I am good at.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

~Welcome Home Anthony!~

Welcome Home Anthony!!!!!!!
First of all, I'd like to apologize for not updating sooner but it's definitely not as easy to Blog with 4 kids to take care of! I am just in shock, still, with Anthony's progress! He is so much stronger than I could have ever imagined.
While we were in the hospital waiting for Anthony to be able to pass off his last 2 goals of tolerating eating and drinking liquids, Anthony's motivation to get the hell out of that hospital kicked into over drive! Wednesday night Anthony ate 2 little meals and when the doctors came in Thursday morning for their morning check up, they said they were extremely happy with Anthony's progress and that he looked like a totally different kid and the were discharging him! Yayyy!!!!!!
We were thinking he'd be able to be discharged if everything went well, by Saturday, so we were really shocked that we were being discharged on Thursday. I think it was Thursday anyways, it's all kind of been a blur since the accident so I'm not sure of the actual day, but when Anthony was discharged he was sent home with a prescription of liquid Lortab. They also told me to use over the counter Motrin and Tylenol too. I decided not to tell Beto or the kids because I thought that would be a great surprise. Yeah, not so great. We walked in the front door and that stupid DCFS lady was sitting on my couch. Ugh! She looked around and talked to Anthony and Beto for a little bit and said she was closing the case.
I have to admit, I was a little scared to come home. I wasn't sure I'd be able to take care of Anthony right. The lovely nurses at Primary's showed me how to change the pads to Anthony's neck brace and also told me how to shower him so his cast would not get wet. Well, the first shower was a disaster but we all lived. Lol! He has to shower with his neck brace on and have his pads changed after, so I tried to wrap his arm up so no water could get through but it still got through. I dried him off and laid him on my bed flat to change his pads and EVERYTHING and EVERYONE got soaked between the dripping wet neck brace and the dripping wet arm cast. Oh well, the second time went much better.
Anthony has been doing really good since coming home. His eating could be better, but he is no longer taking the liquid Lortab, and is only taking the Tylenol and Motrin. Even then, he never ask for it or says he's in pain, but I give it to him anyways. He's even been interested in going outside to play but I haven't let him yet. I have let him go over to my neighbors, Jesse and Blakes' house, to play for a half an hour mostly because she is a nurse and I trust her knowledge in his injuries if something were to happen. I have also been having him wear a helmet EVERY TIME we leave the house because of his skull fracture but he doesn't seem to mind it.
Anthony has proven to be the strongest person I have ever known. I just can't believe his progress. Those first couple of days in the hospital when he would not speak to anyone, I worried that I would never have MY Anthony back and I would have to get use to a NEW Anthony, but I am ecstatic to say that I see absolutely no signs of permanent damage! Not yet anyways. We still have a long road ahead though. He still has to have more test done to see if he's had any permanent damage from all of this as well as get his arm casted and get his neck cleared so he can take his neck brace off but I am VERY hopeful that he will make a full recovery!!!!!

~The Thruth Shall Set you Free~


Anthony finally started talking, and I didn't know how long it would last so I started asking alot of questions to see if I was ever going to know what happened. I am absolutely shocked that he can remember ANYTHING, let alone EVERYTHING from that day especially with the extent of his head injuries and not to mention that the medication that he was given to sedate him, usually causes memory loss.

I must admit though, after hearing his story, I wish he didn't remember. Anthony's recollection of the events is a little different than Zanders is but it's still pretty close. Anthony told me that when Beto told him to go to his room with Zander while him and Alyzea napped, he went to his room to play video games. He got curious to see if any of his friends were outside. Anthony pulled the blinds up and opened his bedroom window. Now, when I actually met the realtor to look at this house, when I pulled in the driveway, the first thing I noticed was #1, that window was directly above the driveway and I hoped it wasn't a child's room, and #2, the screen was not installed properly. One corner of the screen was sticking out and I assumed it would've been fixed before we moved in but I assumed wrong and when we moved in kind of got forgotten about because we were so busy. Anyway, Anthony pressed his forehead against the screen and looked left and right, since his room faces the street, to see if he could see any of his friends playing outside, when he slipped right out of the window.

Now, this is the part I wish he didn't remember. He said he tried to catch himself and stop from falling out the window but he was strong enough to hold on and he had to let go. Can you imagine how scared he must have been? It's horrible. I wish I could have been there to catch him. I know I'll probably always partially blame myself for this even though I know it was not my fault. It wasn't anyone's fault, which brings me to my next subject.

While we were at the hospital I was warned that since he suffered injuries that were unwitnessed by his caregiver at the time, DCFS would be contacting me, which I knew already because I work in that field and I didn't mind at all because I know that is the routine. Well, DCFS assigned a lady to my sons case and she came to visit us in the hospital. I must say, that I was prepared for her questioning but I was not prepared for the stupidity that rambled on and on out of her mouth. Can you tell I don't like her? She told me it was irresponsible of my husband to go to sleep and we should hire a babysitter if we want to nap. A babysitter? Are you kidding me? I laughed at her, literally, and I don't care if she got offended. Can you imagine me dropping my 10 yr old, 8 yr old, and 7 yr old off at daycare so I could take a nap? "OK, love you guys, I'll be back in an hour, I'm going to sleep." WTH?

First of all, there is no way in hell me or my husband are irresponsible. We have some very clear set rules in our house when it comes to us napping. First of all, in the 3 yrs I've known Beto, this was the first time he's taken a nap. He's just one of those people that doesn't need a lot of sleep and cannot nap. Well, after moving, being up with Alyzea all night crying, and being exhausted from work, Beto decided to try to get some sleep while the baby napped. Now, I'm usually the only one who naps, and most of the time Beto is home at the time so he is able to watch the kids when I do, but sometimes it's just not possible for one of us to always be awake with the kids. It's not like my kids are babies either. They are old enough to be unsupervised for short periods of times. Even then, it's still a rule in our house that if we're napping with the baby, each kid is in their own room with the door shut, the front and back doors are locked, and they are to under no circumstances, answer the door! I have tested my kids before and they have always done the right thing :) So, tired, YES, irresponsible, NO!

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

~ X Marks the Spot~



Today was another GREAT day! He is still sleepy and in a lot of pain but he his progress has been great! His lovely nurse Katie created a board for his goals he needs to accomplish in order to be released.

Katie explained the criteria for Anthony to be released from the hospital. There are typically 6 goals that children with his type of injury and his level of severity, have to meet. First thing is to stand or walk 4 times a day, second thing is to be able to urinate, third thing is to be able have a bowel movement, fourth thing is to be eating on his own, fifth thing is to be able to drink and tolerate liquids, and the sixth goal is that they have to be able to take oral medication. So on the goal board that Katie made for Anthony were 4 empty squares for each time he stood up or walked a little bit and when I left his room to meet my husband, kids and my best friend Alauna, he had already earned 3 X's. By the time we got back he had to get up to make a bowel movement so he killed 2 birds with one stone by passing off his goal for a bowel movement and getting up for the fourth time today!

I am so proud of you Anthony. You did it! You got your 4 X's for the day! Yay! So out of the 6 goals, has already accomplished 3! Can you believe it? I can. He's my lil fighter and always will be! I'm so proud of him. He absolutely hates taking any kind of medicine and will NEVER tell you when he is in pain because he's such a sweet kid and doesn't want to inconvenience anyone, and like I said, he hates medicine. Even if I ask him if he hurts he'll tell me no. The only way I can tell is when he starts to blink his eyes to try to stop the tears.

So far he passed the standing up four times a day rule, urinating, having a bowel movement, being able to take his medication orally, and he tries to drink as much as possible but he is having a really hard time with tolerating it, so they told me as soon as he starts to eat and his stomach can tolerate liquids and food, he can be released! I can't believe it! I am soooooooo happy. It may still be a while because right now he says he can't even take a sip from his sprite and what kid turns down pop? He must be feeling really bad. I can't even imagine him being able to eat anytime soon, but I am hopeful!

Anthony got a new toy today from Alauna, and some get well soon cards from the neighbors and the kids at his school. We would like to thank all of you from the bottom of our hearts! It really means alot.

We were hoping his neck would be cleared today but unfortunately, he didn't pass. He can't move because it hurts too bad so he will be in the brace for a couple of weeks at least. Speaking of his brace, he was also visited by Beto, Marcel, Zander, and Alyzea. I guess she didn't like her big brother in that neck brace either because she kept grabbing it and pulling on it! Lol

He is now complaining about severe pain in the arm that's not broken so I'm a little worried because he never complained about it before. I asked his nurse to see if they Xrayed his whole body when he came into the ER to make sure that his other arm isn't broken too, and they didn't so he is off with the Xray tech at the moment(Update: his other arm is not broken:). I think it hurts so bad now, because they took him off the morphine and it made him sleep alot. So now that he's on oral medication he's not sleepy and it seems to ware off faster than the morphine. I think it's hurting him so bad because of bruising, but thankfully he doesn't have 2 broken arms, one is bad enough!

Anyway, I am ecstatic with the progress he is showing and I can see the light at the end of this long tunnel. Of course it's gonna be a long road ahead of us, even when he gets released because he will need constant care until the pain subsides, but I think he will be so happy to be home that it may help him not to think about his pain. I don't know, but I can't wait to go home and be with my family, but I am not leaving this hospital without my son. I am just so grateful that they do no think his head will stay deformed, he has not had to have any surgeries, stiches, and any other permanent damage. It's a miracle. It the only explanation for how fast he's healed and how minimal but painful his injuries are!

~Jazzy~

Well yesterday was another great day. I finally found out what my neighbors name is who is the nurse that came to the house to assess Anthony. Her name is Jesse, and she came to visit with her husband and her cute little boys. I was really surprised. I am amazed at the outpouring of love and support we have received, not only from friends and family, but strangers and the new friends we have met from this experience. Marcels teacher came to visit too, but I was knocked out from exhaustion and never even heard her in the room. It was weird because when I woke up I saw 2 bags. One had food in it and a card, and the other was a bag of clothes. I thought it was the weirdest thing ever! I must have been loosing my mind because I could have sworn someone had moved in my room while I was sleeping. I finally found out from our nurse after texting all my friends to see if they came to visit while I was sleeping, that she had come to visit and didn't want to wake me. She also wanted to bring the bag of clothes to donate for my boys. Thank you guys so much. It really means alot to us that you came to visit. Anthony would like me to tell you guys Thank You and to Gavin and Vonn as well, who both brought Anthony coloring books and a balloon. Thank you from me too!

Anthony is still doing great and has improved alot. His doctors want him to try to get up today and walk around 4 times. He doesn't think he can, but he said he would try. He has also started to drink liquids, which has been going pretty well. He's only thrown up once :) He is still in alot pain and on the morphine but he's waking up more and more and watching TV :)

I told my nurse I normally don't look like a blow fish and she said don't worry about, stress makes you ugly! Huh. Well, alrighty then! Time to take a shower and put some makeup on!


Anthony was also visited by Jazzy today. Jazzy is a Therapy Dog that visits children while they are in the hospital. He was so happy. I think it's amazing what they do and what a great service! Here's a picture of him. He's really cute but kinda shaggy so you can't see his eyes.

I've also been thinking alot about Irony. I had to go to Walmart yesterday to get my baby some formula and I noticed the little sign by the credit card machine at the checkout line for donating to Primary Children's Medical Hospital. Everytime I have been asked to donate a dollar to them I have and I am so thankful I did. I will definitely be donating EVERY time I am in a Walmart checkout lane and I would just like to ask you all to do the same. They really do a great job and I am so thankful to them and their passion!

Monday, June 1, 2009

~God has answered our prayers~

Anthony, our miracle.....
Well today was one of the best days of my life besides the birth of my children! God and my Guardian Angel Carissa, must have carried my son out of harms ways for now. Anthony has been taken out of Intensive Care Unit and into the Nueroscience Trauma Unit Room 2030, which is wonderful news! I never thought I would be so thrilled to have our own hospital room! Woohoo! The PICU nurses were GREAT and God Bless them, but man they have a hard job. Not to mention the fact that they are in your room 24/7. Which is to be expected but it makes for a very tense environment and an impossible one to sleep in. I think in 24 hours the bed on the other side of the curtain had four different trauma patients come and go. Which also brought 20 people on average per patient but I'm not complaining. I am just so thankful to those people and their love of their job!


The Cat Scan showed good improvement on his bleeding in his brain and they have cleared him from any spinal injury. He has a pretty badly broken arm that they cannot cast until the swelling goes down that is causing him pain of course but they have him on a morphine drip thankfully. I just can't stand to see my son in pain! His spleen crack/bleeding has miraculously healed itself to a "scratch". That was the PICU nurse's description anyways. He is still in a neck brace due to the neck ligament damage and pain but that's to be expected. His spine has been cleared of any damage and he can now sit up and watch TV! Look at this, he can even walk and stand to pee! Lol, isn't it beautiful?


My lil man is a fighter through and through that's for sure. He has been sick to his stomach and throwing up from the pain medication but he's dealing with that fine. I am just so proud of him and can't believe how strong he is. I Love You with all my heart Anthony!!!!! Thank you Everyone!

~God, please let me take his place~

I don't know if I'm strong enough for this. I am. I have to be. If I could just stop crying...... I wish I could take his place! Why can't I take his place? Why did I go to work? Why couldn't I have just been at home with him? Why couldn't I at least have been there to pick his poor little body in pieces up off the cement?
This is sooo fucking hard. I'm sorry about the swear word but right now it's real life and its not a good one at the moment. God has to be with me because honestly, I don't know how I haven't passed out yet. I guess that Valium the ER doctors gave me must have helped when I went into a panic attack, I don't know. I just want to wake up from this nightmare and take my sons pain away from him.
I would give my life to take his place right now. Why can't I take his place? Someone please tell it's possible to be strong through this? I've been doing a good job faking it in front of him, for him. Fuck. Huge Light Bulb Moment! I finally get it Dr.Phil. "Fake it till you make it!" I keep throwing up through my tears. When does that end? I don't think fake it till you make it helps me on this one...... I hate Anxiety! I can't believe I can even type through the constant flow of tears. I'm just so sad. Sad that I couldn't have protected him from this nightmare.......







~Pediatric Intensive Care Unit~

Well, Beto and I arrived to Primary's right as they were finishing his Cat Scan. Bet held me as I broke down in tears from the sight of my sons head. It was a very surreal moment. One I'd like to forget. His head was huge and everything became very real. I walked next to him, holding his hand as he was wheeled in his bed to the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit room 2332.
I was briefed quickly. They told me Anthony was pretty badly hurt. In my head, I guess I was in denial because I kept thinking, how is he in as bad of shape as they say if he is talking to me, if you know what I mean. They said, "your son has brain Trauma and his brain is bleeding". Suddenly, I couldn't hear anything. It was absolute silence. It was the strangest thing that I have ever felt. I started screaming, praying, and crying, and I started to have a panic attack and was given a Valium. As the noise came back, I quickly learned the extent of my sons injuries.
Anthony has a concussion, bleeding on his brain, and swelling from a skull fracture. His skull is fractured is from his forehead to the base of his neck and straight down the middle. They can't rule out spine damage at this point but I am optimistic because he is moving his legs. He has alot of bruising, a broken arm, which is in a splint until the swelling goes down so they can cast it. He has a neck brace on because they don't know if his neck is broken and he is complaining of neck pain. He has ligament damage in his neck from the fall and until they rule out a broken neck and there isn't anymore pain in his neck, he has to have the neck brace on which he hates. I love to hear him complain about his neck brace. Oddly enough, it's music to my ears :) I also have just been notified that he cracked his spleen in the fall and it's bleeding into his stomach.
At this point, all I can do is pray. Please God look after my son. I promise I will never ask for anything ever again! Just please, please take care of my son! I can't live with out him. PLEASE!?!?