Monday, June 1, 2009

~God has answered our prayers~

Anthony, our miracle.....
Well today was one of the best days of my life besides the birth of my children! God and my Guardian Angel Carissa, must have carried my son out of harms ways for now. Anthony has been taken out of Intensive Care Unit and into the Nueroscience Trauma Unit Room 2030, which is wonderful news! I never thought I would be so thrilled to have our own hospital room! Woohoo! The PICU nurses were GREAT and God Bless them, but man they have a hard job. Not to mention the fact that they are in your room 24/7. Which is to be expected but it makes for a very tense environment and an impossible one to sleep in. I think in 24 hours the bed on the other side of the curtain had four different trauma patients come and go. Which also brought 20 people on average per patient but I'm not complaining. I am just so thankful to those people and their love of their job!

The Cat Scan showed good improvement on his bleeding in his brain and they have cleared him from any spinal injury. He has a pretty badly broken arm that they cannot cast until the swelling goes down that is causing him pain of course but they have him on a morphine drip thankfully. I just can't stand to see my son in pain! His spleen crack/bleeding has miraculously healed itself to a "scratch". That was the PICU nurse's description anyways. He is still in a neck brace due to the neck ligament damage and pain but that's to be expected. His spine has been cleared of any damage and he can now sit up and watch TV! Look at this, he can even walk and stand to pee! Lol, isn't it beautiful?

My lil man is a fighter through and through that's for sure. He has been sick to his stomach and throwing up from the pain medication but he's dealing with that fine. I am just so proud of him and can't believe how strong he is. I Love You with all my heart Anthony!!!!! Thank you Everyone!

~God, please let me take his place~

I don't know if I'm strong enough for this. I am. I have to be. If I could just stop crying...... I wish I could take his place! Why can't I take his place? Why did I go to work? Why couldn't I have just been at home with him? Why couldn't I at least have been there to pick his poor little body in pieces up off the cement?
This is sooo fucking hard. I'm sorry about the swear word but right now it's real life and its not a good one at the moment. God has to be with me because honestly, I don't know how I haven't passed out yet. I guess that Valium the ER doctors gave me must have helped when I went into a panic attack, I don't know. I just want to wake up from this nightmare and take my sons pain away from him.
I would give my life to take his place right now. Why can't I take his place? Someone please tell it's possible to be strong through this? I've been doing a good job faking it in front of him, for him. Fuck. Huge Light Bulb Moment! I finally get it Dr.Phil. "Fake it till you make it!" I keep throwing up through my tears. When does that end? I don't think fake it till you make it helps me on this one...... I hate Anxiety! I can't believe I can even type through the constant flow of tears. I'm just so sad. Sad that I couldn't have protected him from this nightmare.......

~Pediatric Intensive Care Unit~

Well, Beto and I arrived to Primary's right as they were finishing his Cat Scan. Bet held me as I broke down in tears from the sight of my sons head. It was a very surreal moment. One I'd like to forget. His head was huge and everything became very real. I walked next to him, holding his hand as he was wheeled in his bed to the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit room 2332.
I was briefed quickly. They told me Anthony was pretty badly hurt. In my head, I guess I was in denial because I kept thinking, how is he in as bad of shape as they say if he is talking to me, if you know what I mean. They said, "your son has brain Trauma and his brain is bleeding". Suddenly, I couldn't hear anything. It was absolute silence. It was the strangest thing that I have ever felt. I started screaming, praying, and crying, and I started to have a panic attack and was given a Valium. As the noise came back, I quickly learned the extent of my sons injuries.
Anthony has a concussion, bleeding on his brain, and swelling from a skull fracture. His skull is fractured is from his forehead to the base of his neck and straight down the middle. They can't rule out spine damage at this point but I am optimistic because he is moving his legs. He has alot of bruising, a broken arm, which is in a splint until the swelling goes down so they can cast it. He has a neck brace on because they don't know if his neck is broken and he is complaining of neck pain. He has ligament damage in his neck from the fall and until they rule out a broken neck and there isn't anymore pain in his neck, he has to have the neck brace on which he hates. I love to hear him complain about his neck brace. Oddly enough, it's music to my ears :) I also have just been notified that he cracked his spleen in the fall and it's bleeding into his stomach.
At this point, all I can do is pray. Please God look after my son. I promise I will never ask for anything ever again! Just please, please take care of my son! I can't live with out him. PLEASE!?!?